Waiting...

Again I find myself sitting in the nurses station of a hospital at 3am just pondering life. Except this time I have a neck full of tension (emotional baggage I cannot seem to shake) and I'm in the middle of some game changing books. 1= what colour is my parachute?, a thought provoking work book of ideas on how to discover what one wants to do as a career/spend their time and 2. Messages from the masters. (I finished many lives, many masters last shift!). The one on the jobs definitely got me thinking.... But too much. I know can think of a thousand job ideas that I could do, ranging from private practice, clinical dietetics, or even an innovative designer of functional foods.... But as a libran, I am faced with the impossible decision of choosing one!
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Which I am failing at! The thing is, I keep running on the spot, getting nowhere. I'm playing the career version of "you put your right arm in you put your right arm out..." but never committing to one idea, thereby going nowhere! Sigh. So my dilemma.... How does it work. Life that is (I love where my brain goes at 3am). Does life give you what you ask for, even if it is something you don't realise you don't want OR do the powers that be realise that in some instances, they know they know best, and thrust opportunities at you, without you consciously or unconsciously choosing that situation. And by deciding to "let the angels sort it out" am I denying myself the opportunity to be human and know what it's like to make mistakes? Or great decisions. Would the "winning" decision be less rewarding, knowing I had nothing to do with it presenting itself to me?

Hmmm.

I was speaking to one of the nurses here who after a number of years in the field, has had enough, but stays here to pay the bills. Is that what we are meant to do? Exist and live by the rules of those above us? I thought about my situation and whether I'm doing "what is right". Right now, I am getting paid to spend time reading books and looking up nutrition articles and papers. I am also getting time to contemplate what I am doing, while still getting paid. I don't have to interact with nonsensical retail customers, or noncompliant medical patients. But then what is the point of learning all of this if I'm not implementing it. I like to think perhaps I am "stock piling". Information and energy. But then maybe im just as unaware as the nurse stuck in a job to get by. However, the difference is my job is only temporary. I'm not allowed to get trapped. Also, the job found me- I didn't (consciously) search for it.

Can I rely on this system for everything? Or do I need to actively do something to get me on the right path? If I say that a job will turn up after this one, will I, like after I had finished in mackay, find a job landed in my lap? Or will I need to do it myself this time?

How do we know when we will be helped and when we are meant to do it ourselves? What if all of this "waiting" is their way of preparing us for what is next. But what if the "waiting" is then just a manifestation of our laziness and lack of drive. Is there a time difference? Is 3 months of 'waiting' acceptable but 4 months mean you have done something wrong? Is there situations where regardless of how much effort you put in to life, a 'break' is forced on you until something else happens? And how do we tell the difference?! I'd much rather spend 2 full months of resume writing on painting or gardening if I knew my efforts would eventually be futile.


And welcome to my brain! Exhausted yet from running in circles!

All I want is to learn what I need to help other people archive their best health emotionally, physically and spiritually. I want to make people happier. If someone (or something) can think of something along those lines that also ensures I have enough money to do and have what I want, I'd be extremely grateful!!!

In the meantime, I am going to read my book and then learn Italian when I get home. Va bene!

As excited as I am about Italy, I'm not wishing it quicker (besides, then the trip will go quicker too!). Life is providing so much to me right now, and every fat of my life is different. For example, my house is the cleanest it has ever been in the 3 years of me being there all thanks to zac and his rapid cleaning skills. Note to self, invite friends over as this may not last much longer!!! And apart from having a clean house for the guest time in a while, I'm about to enter my 3rd week of Latin dancing classes with zac at smooth Latin groove. Fun!

Life is great...... Even when you can't decide what you want for something tiny like career plans!


Love and light xx

Midnight in the hospital

So.... 5 months on and my second blog. Oops. Seriously, I've been meaning to write but life gets in the way. However, right now, it's just before midnight, and I'm working at the hospital doing some research so I have a bit of spare time! What has spurred me on is a patient that I have seen here.
Yesterday I noticed a Vietnamese patient was in the ward I was monitoring, and thought it was sweet that her daughter (I assume) was sitting next to her. I assumed that it was so that she would have a translator on standby. When I walked up this evening though, I saw a whole family of Vietnamese people. I would estimate about 10 loving family members :) I got worried because usually family only appear at the end. But she was still in the normal ward- phew! I thought. Until I went to do my next round and watched them push a very sick looking woman into a single room. Oops.

But it got me thinking, how WONDERFUL that at the end of a no doubt long life, her family members would surround her to honor her and the life she led. These people did not need to be here by law (although I guess you could call it family law!) but because they are family! We don't choose our family, and sometimes we don't even like our family, but we put them ahead of our peers, and the people we choose to have in our lives, because we have an unexplainable bond (which could perhaps be explained by past lives if you believed in them). Western society in general seems to have lost this. Not mine- as most people who know me realise, even if we just yell and argue over Christmas dinner, at least we are all together.

I see all the patients her, and think of all. The ones I met in mackay, and recall how many of them died with no one but the nurse and the patient next to them when they took their last breath. How terrible that this is acceptable :( if, life forbid, my end is drawn out and painful, I hope that the people most important to me will want to send me off with a good get together. As long as they bring balloons saying "Bon voyage" and party crackers for when I go! Or do you think that is too morbid? ;)